The new face of Ace Ventura

In addition to learning the names of all my little friends under 3 feet tall, their parents, my fellow staff and teachers, I am now a co-parent of a guinea pig. My co-teacher told me we'd be getting this cousin of the bat and wondered if I OK with it. I was, but wondered if I really had a choice, being the new kid on the block and all.

One unusually rainy day the kids thought it would be great to start "Shortie Sausage" on an exercise regimen. Outside. In the mud. Guess who got to be the overseer of this fantastic venture and guess who was responsible for "helping" 10 toddlers give this now muddy furball a bath? Me. We googled guinea pig bath instructions and followed the basics. The basics being: don't get her head wet and make sure she's dry before putting her in her cage.

The day's interaction with small creatures was not going to end there. I leave work to head to Parker to babysit for some friends of mine. Colorado's rainy days are few and somehow people forget how to drive in it, so what usually takes about 45 minutes-one hour took three. I reach the house, receive bed-time and temporary addition of 2 small dog instructions and the parents head out for dinner. The dad briefly returns only to be followed into the house by a small song bird, who immediately flies to the cathedral-style 2nd story staircase. Dad character grabs a broom because mom character is deathly afraid of birds and proceeds to swat the bird back out the front door. Bird character doesn't get the message and flies higher. At this point the small house dogs are trying to make a break for it so I corral them into the front office and shut the french doors. I then run upstairs to see the bird evicting progress. Its sitting in the windowsill of an upper story decorative frame. The dad pulls up the venetian for better access and I, not thinking it would actually sit still for me, go up and cup it in my hands, retreat outside and send it off, in similar fashion as doves at the Olympics...every bird needs it moment right? I am in the middle of my very theatrical release, surprising even myself, when the mom, who was waiting in the car wondering what was taking so long, looks out the suburban's window at that very moment to witness her babysitter throwing a winged friend out of her home. Dad runs up and dubs me his new hero while mom sits shocked and now not a little hysterical over recent events. He hops back in the car and they take off. The fun for me doesn't stop there. We have dinner and dessert and the kids vote for play dough time before bed. We head downstairs to the playroom to squish out salty creations. About ten minutes into the fun I notice the dog kicking up the carpet next to my chair. I recall something about dogs doing that sort of thing in the grass so I scan the room for a present. Apparently it was left specifically for me because it could not have been placed any closer to the miniature persons chair I was currently crouched in.
Shi-ca-caaaaa!

If Dwight Shrute was a Blonde Sorority Girl...

I've started a new job...again. I am beginning to wonder if I subconsciously strive for continuous change or if its just my current lot in life. Also, I've moved from my CSI obsessions towards The Office episodes and, yes, for those of you asking, I checked out the British version, and while I do like British humor, the US version, in my opinion, is far superior. So, since I've dabbled now in watching eccentric characters I am now learning to interact with a few at my new job. I know its to be expected, living in Boulder and all, but one particular blond creature veers from 'Boulder Norm' and creates a persona all her own. For anonymity sake and avoiding a defamation of character lawsuit, I'll call her Stacy.

In a fortnight the classrooms will be re-divided with the start of a new school year and I won't have as much interaction with this Stacy character. For now she is providing me with some interesting writing material. I've been working there for a week now, 5 days, and she has yet ceased to shock and amuse me and somehow makes the wait till next season of The Office more bearable. I wish I was creative enough to make a character like this up.

Day 1: She informs me she's made out with 5 different guys in the past 3 weeks. (Keep in mind I met this girl about 45 minutes prior to this revealing.)
Day 2: She spends an hour of documentation time to show the other teachers some of her 'matches' on the web including the most recent one who she is planning a date with but is worried he'll ruin the wedding pictures, presuming there is a long-term future.
Day 3: I find out she was a sorority girl AND a cheerleader back in 'the day'. She also tells me that in the Hierarchy of Staff at this school, I'm actually at the bottom and she's actually right above me. She also ever-so-thoughtfully tells me that I remind her of herself when she first started, but that now she's just too burned out to care anymore. I wasn't sure if it was a warning or an excuse.
Day 4: She disappears for an hour leaving me and the other co-teacher with the kids, only to show up later, take a kid to the office, without letting us know, and is suddenly surprised when we start searching for the child. Our bad...our telepathy must have been experiencing technical difficulties.
Day 5: TGIF! Apparently on Wednesday a father had left a few bakery items for the early morning teachers and mentioned it to Stacy this morning, asking her if she'd got one. She hadn't. Up until then, though, she had remained blissfully unaware she had been left a treat. Shocked and perturbed someone dare eat a croissant that presumably had her name on it she traveled for the next hour on the investigative war-path. Even calling a teacher at home to track it down. I suggested that it was probably eaten already. It didn't matter, the mystery needed to be unturned! She said she just couldn't let it go. (Obviously.) After all was said and done, another teacher had eaten it. Surprise. What, you mean it wasn't lovingly labeled and set aside under lock and key until Stunning Stacy could partake?? I wish I'd known about the pastry on Wednesday. I could have eaten it...or saved it for her in a casket of jello.

I can only begin to imagine what this next week will hold...I can't wait.