Attack of conscience

This was in a package.  From my mother.  In Virginia.

This can only lead me to believe one of several things:
A. Reacher has learned to use the phone to call my mom.
B. He has a secret email account, thus learned to type.
C. Possibly has a Facebook account.
or D. Somehow telepathically communicated with my mother.

I am now worried because:
A: My cat is communicating with my mother.
B: My mother communicates with cats.

Case of the Mondays

While I'm happy with the optimistic forecast, I'm not thrilled with the prospect of three Mondays in a row. I mean, really. Really?!

Confessions of Capt. Destructo

Its their fault for leaving it on the counter above the sink.

Sure, they found it after the horrendous noise the disposal made but by then it had been Dee-Stroyed! and they could only blame themselves for flipping the switch.  It was more perfect than I could have anticipated.

Mwaaa-hahahahhaahh!!!!

How-to get a workout and make yourself angry (in that order)

Since I'm not traveling as much as I'd like or as I once did when this blog was born I now must fill my readers in with descriptions of self embarrassment and other prose, currently mis-entitled blog that it is.

I shall now share a little how-to.

How to attach a dryer hose: (AKA: How to re-attach the dryer hose of a double stack unit after the overpaid dryer repairman left it unattached making everything in our bedroom damp during and after a dry cycle):

Step 1: Tie back loose ends (swim cap works well)

Step 2: (Also part of Step 1:) Switch loose clothing for more appropriate attire (see above example)

Step 3: Perfect the Grunt

Step 4: Use full weight distribution, specifically, hang from the top of the unit with your full weight

Step 5: Grip with every appendage and pull

Step 6: If step 4 and 5 fail to budge the washer/dryer unit, use the full body simultaneous push-pull wedge

Step 7: More wedging

Step 8: Do the squeeze (not to be confused with wedging)

Step 9: Once you've sufficiently pulled the unit and given yourself a hernia, if you still have the energy, attack the dust bunnies

Step 10: Attach one end of the dryer hose to the wall hole and the other end to the dryer hole
Step 11: Hope it stays in place
Step 12: Try to push it back into its wall space gently enough to keep the hose attached
Step 13: Keep trying Steps 10-12
Step 13: Begin a rhythm of crying, grunting and pushing until a full blown tantrum erupts
Step 14: Curl up in the fetal position until husband comes home
Step 15: Watch husband do in 10 minutes what took you 2 hours

Step 16: Pose for final Failed Angry Dryer Ninja shot while husband tries to control his laughter