my name is slim shady.

ok.  where were we?  (i think all has been righted in the african technological world and i can now update my blogspot.) oh, right, i was being picked up in Nelspruit by Clemencia and her driver, Eduardo. 

 

My bags were loaded into the back of the Mitsubishi SUV (this one is quite the piece of machinery but at least it gets us where we want to go) and we headed off.  I assumed we would go straight to the South African/Mozambique border but since neither of them spoke english the guessing games were about to begin.  We stopped at one shop and bought bread.  We stopped at another shop and bought cleaning supplies.  While at the second shop we picked up two people, Bettina and Lelio, both caucasian but neither of which spoke much English, at least not to me.  I would find out later that they were leaving in 3 days to go to Brazil, that Bettina was German and her husband, Lelio, was Brazilian, that they were staying at Lifeline only for a stop over to visit with Clemencia.  I thought that since we picked them up at some random store, that we were close to the school.  I was wrong.  Several stores, u-turns, traffic jams (which equaled hours) later we reached the border.  My sleep deprived state was aroused at the sight.  The border scene was straight out of a movie.  I was too tired to think of which one but i was fully expecting a director to come from behind some hidden camera and yell, "Cut!"  or at least i began praying one would.  We passed the locals selling their wares and the guards shouldering scary looking guns and went into the building.  It was stuffy and dirty and smelled a little like compost, BO and poo.  (just in case you have been fortunate to never smell any of those things in your life...in the words of my brother, Ethan, "I do not love that smell.")  We handed our passports over to the agent behind counter, he stamped them, and we were off.  Wow, that was easy.  -Not so fast.  

 

Along with our passports, Eduardo was given a sheet of paper that allowed our vehicle to pass over the border.  We started to drive over the border and pass between the gun-toting guards.  I think our driver was a little confused because he held the paper up but kept driving.  Another car was going through at the same time so the guard was talking to them.  Eduardo accidently gunned it.  The guards started to yell at him and i thought, "Oh great, i'm just in time for some angry africans to shoot at us."  Eduardo stopped our car and backed up.  He handed the paper over to the guard and the guard said thanks and smiled.  (wow, powerful piece of paper)  We drove about 300 feet and stopped at the next border station.  I groaned, i knew it was too good to be true.  We went inside.  It look similiar, smelled a tad stronger and was slightly larger with a lot more people in it.  Clemencia grabbed my hand and smiled at me, saying something in portuguese.  (Remember, we covered this about 3 hours ago, i don't understand what you are saying.)  She handed me a paper with a few english words on it so i started to fill it out.  She signaled and pointed to a counter.  I started to walk over to it.  I still must have look bewildered because a little man wearing a bright red shirt with an 8x10 of Eminem's face on it violently motioned to me to set my passport on the counter.  (Are you kidding me? I'm not letting this thing out of my hand!)  Regardless of his affection for my fellow countryman or whether he was getting paid or not to direct traffic, I wasn't going to let go of my passport easily.  Clemencia could see i was still in confusion so she motioned for me to wait in line until someone from the back office came out.  A minute or so later a guard came out, i looked at Clemencia, she smiled. (I'm gonna take that smile to mean i can give him my passport and my only way to ever leave this country.)  I handed it over.  He took it in the back for what seemed like eternity.  He returned it about 20 minutes later with a new visa inside.  I guess that wasn't so bad.  (Hey, twenty minutes can seem like an eternity if you've got an imagination like mine.)    

 

We got to Maputo a couple hours later.  We stopped to drop Eduardo off at his house, which i thought for a second might be the school, but since only he got out and Lelio got in the driver's seat i guessed we still had farther to go.  I was right.  (I should fill you in that both the back side doors to the mitsubishi are broken, the left side only opens from the outside and the right side is permanently locked.  The non-opening doors were good the first couple days here, otherwise i would have been hopping out at every stop, but now that i have more of an idea of what's going on, its been a tad on the obnoxious side.  I usually sit on the right side, which means i have to wait for everyone else to pile out before i can get out, i have now solved that by climbing out, Dukes of Hazzard style, -as long as i can get out before Eduardo rolls the windows up.)

 

When we got to the school it was well after dark.  Arlindu opened the gate for us and helped carry my bags in.  I was ushered under the staircase into a small concrete 8x12 room with a dangling lightbulb, a miniature bunkbed (my stature precedes me) and a complimentary mosquito net.  The room glowed an eerie blue, the kind of lighting you see in an old movie, just before someone gets mugged in an alley way, or in a sci-fi, moments preceding the attack of the mutant creatures...(maybe i shouldn't have watched every channel on the flight over.)  Clemencia showed me where the bathroom was and i hurried out of my prison cell to get clean.  If i was going to get mugged or eaten i was gonna go out smelling good.  Arlindu later translated for Clemencia that i was only going to be in that room for 3 days...oh, that's relief.

 

The next three days were filled with quite a bit of noise that i didn't understand.  I sat silently at meals (don't worry, I'll tell you all about the food later).  I sat silently at church.  I sat silently, pretty much for 36 hours straight.  On the third day, Monday, just when i was starting to give in to some self-pity and some serious consideration at checking myself out of hotel california, we went into town.  Bettina and Lelio were running errands that morning before flying out that afternoon and in the process of their errands we stopped at the South African Airways Ticket Office.  I stayed outside to avoid the temptation to escape.  A tall girl was pacing up and down on the broad sidewalk in front of the office.  She appeared to be waiting for a ride.  She turned to me and asked the time.  I pounced on her for conversation.  She was from Montreal, Canada.  She had been stationed here in Maputo for a some mining company out of Canada, had gotten to travel all over Africa and was leaving today.  She said she was so sad to go, that she had completely fallen in love with this place.  I looked at her like she was nuts.  She asked me how long i'd been here, then said, "Give it some time."  I thought about asking to trade places, then i remembered that Montreal is quite cold this time of year, and i had only packed summer clothes, so i kept my mouth shut.  Her ride came a few minutes later and with a "Ciao" she was off.  We didn't even exchange names but something in the conversation started to change my outlook on my present circumstances.  I don't know if she'll ever read this but thanks anyway.